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I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, Iām a hunter-gatherer.
My favorite part of the day? The food part.
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
Sarcasm. Because communicating with morons is hard.
Where do I see myself in 5 years? May 2019. Next question.
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
Wishing a happy unbirthday to everybody who`s birthday isn`t today.
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?
May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
Show me on the back of your mini van window where your life went wrong.
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
The older I get, the more I understand someone`s desire to just say-"F*ck it. I`m going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge."