Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
For a minute there, I thought I had just wasted 60 seconds...
“Are you completely sure this isn’t textable?” -the perfect voicemail prompt.
Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archaeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment.
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
A guy outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I told him, I feel like it would take longer than that
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
What if God is a woman. Not only will I be going to Hell, but I`ll never hear the end of it.
"are you as bored as I am?" if you read that backwards, it still makes sense.
That awkward moment when you realise you have way more internet friends than real friends.
Ha, SUCKA`S! I just smuggled a bag of popcorn into the movie theater. Now I just need to borrow their microwave.
Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you`re into fitness
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
Holiday cards, when you care enough to let friends, family, customers & clients see how your handwriting hasn`t improved since fourth grade.
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.