Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or I’m about to be murdered.
Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
I`ve been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat.
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
I can`t decide what`s more embarrassing - the fact that I still live out of a suitcase, or that I`m a professional ventriloquist dummy.
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
Helpful Tip: You can’t get in trouble for leaving work early if you disable the security cameras and crawl out the air-conditioning duct.
A show called the view shouldn`t hurt your eyes
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches