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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
When a woman says "what?" its not because she didn`t hear you. She`s giving you a chance to change what you just said.
Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.
FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END
Just been wondering what "please Do Not Touch" would be in Braille
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
Find someone you`re good at.
Calm down shouty museum man. I think it`s pretty obvious that I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton.
If being an a$$hole was a professional sport, my face would be on a box of wheaties.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
I have the means to do anything that I want on my day off from work which means that I dont want to do anything on my day off from work.
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.