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My dad said if I don`t get of facebook in 3 seconds he would jab my face into the keyboahajsirksjapquebxm
When I die I want my body donated to science; specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead people back to life
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
When one door closes and another one opens, it`s time to pack up and leave because your house is clearly haunted.
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my feet while lying on the couch, so I guess today was leg day...
Stop procrastinating. Join Hokey Pokey Anonymous today and turn that life around!
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
My coworkers are looking at me like they`ve never seen anyone tailgate before work.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".