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Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".. O_o
How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
I am creating the first ever "flavored windows". They should make some of you very happy.
Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
I like Tuesday, it rhymes with Boozeday...
I wish we had staff meetings in the garden. The plants would`ve love the fertilizer.
Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.
I try not to work that much. That way I make less mistakes.
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village has one.
When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie