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I`m still mad that video killed the radio star.
Growing up and becoming an adult was the worst decision I’ve ever made.
The Manning`s Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year. "Eli, can you pass the stuffing- oh wait, you better let Peyton do it."
A hard thing about business is minding your own
Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don`t have long.
You could give me 45 years to do homework and I still wouldn’t do it until the night before.
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
The synonym for `reality` is `offline`
I don`t care about Disney lying about the Prince Charmings out there. I`m more annoyed that random woodland creatures won`t clean my house.
"Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" - I`m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
My bed is half full - Lonely optimist.
When you`re a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you`re an adult, they`re considered immature.
Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light