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Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
They don`t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
with great power...comes great electric bill...
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
I deserve an Oscar for my performance in "Holy crap this is a terrible gift but I`ll pretend to love it."
The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world. I’m sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.