Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
Karma’s only a bitch if you are.
The only human interaction I want for the rest of the day is the exchange of money between me and the liquor store cashier
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
I like my women like I like my motorcycles. Not ridden by all my friends.
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
Tonight`s weather forecast: dark. Continued dark overnight with widely scattered of light by morning.
Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.
I didn’t scream out someone else’s name during sex. I was thinking of baby names in case you get pregnant…
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
I always buy a Get Well Soon card for the couple who invites me to their wedding.
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
What`s the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats