Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you need to rush somewhere, carry a fire extinguisher. Nobody will stop a person running with a fire extinguisher.
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
From now on when skinny girls say they`re fat I`m just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
Sure, I was walking home from the bar drunk, but I wasn`t even stumbling. My guess is, the cops just had it in for naked people.
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How´d that work out for him?
The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
I’ve been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree.
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
Turns out, I`m not an afternoon person either...
Q: What is the best thing God ever created? A: The vagina. Q: What was the worst thing God ever did? A: Put women in charge of them.
I’m on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
I`m awesome ... Don`t question it, just deal with it.