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Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
If my sarcasm confuses you it`s because you`re stupid.
The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
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BESTFRIEND: the one you can get mad at only for a short period because you have important stuff to tell them.
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
Applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Happy New Year you guys.
What do you mean being awesome for another year isn`t a resolution?
That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like....`I`ve got nothing man.`
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)