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I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
If women really knew what men think, there would be restraining orders on all men.
wishes life would hand me lemons especially today.. that way I`d have something to throw at the people that are pissing me off
Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I`m assuming it`s Monday.
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
Say what you want about Captain Hook, but he ran that entire pirating operation singlehandedly.
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but, Iām slowly getting over it.
The only beachfront property I`ll ever be able to afford is a sandcastle.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those meds.
Just started a new exercise program where I put on a gorilla mask and chase a random toddler through Costco.