Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Change is always hard.... Especially when a jar of it falls on your head.
I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
Parts of a worm: 1) Worm
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I`m totally flexible.
Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
Just told my dog "Don`t walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don`t.
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
The toughest part of a lesbian relationship is deciding who gets to be the one who`s always right.
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
Facebook stalking? BAH! In my day, we used to root through people`s garbage.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at him.