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I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
Sure, Men love funny women. As long as they are pretty...and skinny...and they have a great pair of knockers!!
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
Did the Baha Men ever find their dogs? Did they put up posters or just sing that song?
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
I have a black belt in leather
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
On the bottle of mouthwash it says "24 hour protection", so why do the directions say "Use Twice Daily"?
One day I hope the bravery of the people who initiate clapping is recognized.