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Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
Whenever there is an awkward silence try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there`s nothing I can do about it.
I’m not the friend you put on speaker phone.
I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!
The ski racks on my car say I’m fun, adventurous, and can’t figure out how to take the ski racks off my car.
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
When I was growing up, I was taught to walk and talk and when I was grown, I was told to sit down and STFU!!!
I`d like to thanks all the girls for wearing yoga pants. It is the only reason why we`re not complaining about how cold this winter it
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.
Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push ... into traffic.