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Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.
Not to brag, but I`m pretty good in bed. I don`t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
Dating would be a lot easier if the opposite sex had a tail. That way, I could see if it was wagging or not after I did or said something.
I love this oscillating fan, 5 out of every 15 seconds.
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don`t want to see flying at my face.
Notice how writers don’t rewrite books, how about we stop remaking movies.
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs
I think that a lot of conflict that happened in the Wild West could`ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.