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I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
This sushi restaurant has the worst service. "Sir, this is an aquarium"
“Should I add more liquor?” is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked.
Plot twist: WebMD says you`re just thirsty
There`s a sucker born every minute, but swallowers are harder to find.
I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You`ve probably seen our poster.
You being crazy doesn`t bother me. It`s you being crazier than me...That makes me freakin` jealous.
Not trying to be racist or ignorant but... seriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike.
Facebook keeps telling me people are following me. But, every time I look behide me there`s nobody there? Why does facebook keep lying to me?
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.