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I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons.
I`m going to hell in every religion!
I`m starting to think the Hangover Fairy and the Angel of Death are the same person.
I realized that at my income level "Wealth Management" really just means re-organizing the money in my wallet by denomination.
Just once Iād like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
I believe in love at first sight or as science calls it, "boners."
I`m not worried about the zombie apocalypse that is coming. I`m worried about the fcuktard apocalypse that is here right now.
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
Just when you want to be a good person again , someone new to stalk shows up
There`s nothing like the laughter of a baby....unless you`re home alone at 1 am...and you don`t have children...