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The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If i had a brick id throw it at you.
Dog Found: Now we are bros, so he`s staying. Don`t call, don`t make it weird.
He was like, `We`re all slowly dying` So I was like, `WRONG` and I threw him in front of a moving bus.
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
No one can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it ;)
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
it`s friday o clock
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he’ll never have any friends.
Either I wrote a bunch of drunken Facebook status updates last night, or my dog has finally figured out the computer.