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A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
When I was kid, I... No wait, I still do that.
I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"…
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
Just once I`d like to see someone in a movie call bullshit when someone tells them their phone number starts with 555
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
So far, I am 100% at believing what happened next on Facebook links.
The best black Friday deal ... sleep - $0.
Save the US Postal Service. Have the Jehovah Witness and Mormons deliver the mail.
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
Dear Fox news,I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.