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I`ve spent approximately 2% of my life walking back to the trash can and checking the box to see how long I need to microwave my food.
All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
You gotta push yourself. Do 15 push-ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat an entire cake instead of just one piece. Burn your ex`s house down. I believe in you!
If I share my food with you, its either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don`t want it.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I`d be like "Sit your translucent a$$ down, I have a lot of questions!"
The iPad Air is named after what`s left in your bank account when you buy one.
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
Fashion is what you call hideous clothes that are really expensive
Please don`t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I`m awesome doesn`t mean I like you.
You can`t control who comes into your life. But you can control which window you throw them out of.
If anxiety was good for weight loss, I`d be back to my birth weight.
If you`re ever sad, just imagine how much worse it would be to be a tree that spent years and years growing up, only to end up as a Justin Bieber notebook