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When I die, I don`t want to go sober...
The covers of this book are too far apart.
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
Women have all the answers, to all of your questions, and you don`t even have to ask.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it`s strapped to the top of someone`s car.
I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.
Tequila... It`s not just for breakfast anymore...
Multitasking? I’m not even good at unitasking.
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas…
my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?
Bad decisions make good stories.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.