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I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
You should be able to park in an “expecting mother” parking space if you’re waiting for your mom.
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
good boys go to heaven bad boys go every where
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
MY 8 YEAR OLD: "Walrus testicles are called walnuts."
Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don`t end up like everyone I went to high school with.
My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.
Now that I think about it... Facebook became popular ever since I made an account.
I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.
In heaven, the Cheez-Its are salted on both sides.
Friday Night Inspirational Message: You miss 100% of the shots you don`t drink.
Sharks aren’t so bad. If some stranger entered my house wearing only a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.