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How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
Therapy helps ... but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper!
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
I pointed to two hags sitting across the bar from us and told my friend "That`s us in 10 years". She said "That`s a mirror".
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the shit out of you.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.
I`m a little Stressed right now ... Just turn around and leave quietly and no one gets hurt.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna` be a great day.
My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.