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Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.
Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it`s Wednesday.
PMS is no joke, you guys. I just ate like three bags of Reese`s Pieces. Oh, and my wife`s really being a bitch.
I go to McDonald`s once a month just to replenish the napkin stash in my car
The only way you can be right in an argument with a woman is by admitting you`re wrong.
Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It`s not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
Am I the only one that always puts my wallet back into my pocket before getting my change back?
I don`t know why I don`t buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the shit out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
I`m starting to get that "f*ck it" attitude about everything..
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...