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"The Ugly Duckling" has a great message. Everything in life will work itself out once you become physically attractive.
How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She`s quiet 2.She`s yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
To all my Facebook friends. Have a happy St. Patrick`s day, and all the festivities this weekend. Stay safe, enjoy life, and if you by chance happen to find a bartender who is bad at math...give me a call :)
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
Folding laundry with a toddler is like trying to straighten a desk full of papers while a fan blows on it.
PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.
am updating my status just to let you know my status has no status
Free snow at my house. Shovel all you want!
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
You had me at 0 mutual friends