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Setting my coffee maker to `stun`
It`s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball... But won`t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry
If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.
It has been scientifically proven that any woman can be satisfied with only 3 1/2 inches — and it doesn’t matter if it is Visa or MasterCard
The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed.
You laugh because I´m different. I laugh cause I just farted!
You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
I have an amazing psychic ability to find objects just before people lose them. Unfortunately, the police call it theft.
Give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed I tell ya. PUSHED!!!!!!
“Screw it” – My final thought before making most decisions.
Cocaine dealers are always trying to stick their business in other people`s noses.
I can see your camouflage pants, so they`re not working.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"