Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you need help moving I am one hundred percent there for you emotionally.
My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex`s car.
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
I said I was good at making decisions. I didn`t say the decisions I made were good.
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
I`m doing the KFC Bucket Challenge!
I`m not homophobic, I love my house!
Thinking about waking up early for a run. Mostly thinking about how I will not be doing that.
Overheard at grocery: Paper or plastic, sir? Doesn’t matter. Im bisacksual.
why don`t we get discounts for ringing up our own groceries in self checkout?
I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.
I`m trying to lose weight by eating carrots and bran muffins. It`s a fiber-optics diet.
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
If someone invites you to their wedding, it`s apparently bad form to say "Sorry I can`t make it but I`ll come to your next one".