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you know....I must be drop dead sexy because....cashiers are always checking me out….
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn`t at work anymore.
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
So what the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Their house paint is peeling.
Hello customer service, I ate two happy meals and I’m still not happy
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices
Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....