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Never look back. That’s where all the monsters are.
I`ve been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don`t know karate.
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
"Memory foam pillow fights". That`s one fight you`ll never forget.
Hey.. The tequila I drank wants to tell you a secret.
Adulthood – Pros: You can now eat ice cream in bed. Cons: This will somehow make you sadder.
When I got divorced, we split the house. I got the outside....
You know you`re getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you`re down there.
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
If anyone is interested I`ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.
A pretty important part of being a dad is waiting in the car.
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
"I`ll drink to that." -me to my next drink
My posts come from a dark place.. I haven`t paid my light bill in 3 months.
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.