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How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since I got up… goodnight!
If it wasn’t for caffeine I wouldn’t be a functioning member of society.
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
I hate Cheetos stains on my peignoir.........
It must be really hard to judge wet t-shirt contests. I saw one recently, and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
Your giving me the silent treatment??? FKN FINALLY!!
This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
Noise cancelling toilets should be a thing.
How strange, some guy just waved half of a peace sign at me...
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
The reason I don`t play Scrabble online, is that I can`t throw the tiles at the person who beats me.