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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
I end a sentence with "just sayin" because ending it with "dumbass" would be offensive.
Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.
For Sale. Old batteries, free of charge.
My wife is pissed at me again...appearently I am breathing wrong.
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
1 in 3 Americans, weighs as much as the other 2.
For the love of God, single people, stop looking for love or you`ll end up married.
Sometimes after many years of marriage, you just look at your wife and wonder how she stayed with you this long without you killing her.
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
Sitting in traffic like the non-helicopter owning loser that I am.
American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome