Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Not sure what`s longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
Now that football season is here, if anyone`s favorite team loses, they can just blame it on Trump.
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
If someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
Can`t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
If I was a funeral director, I would tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.Then the zombie apocalypse would be hilarious.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a prescription bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness."
Some people have goals of conquering the world! My goal is to sleep through the night without having to get up and pee!
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
Sometimes I zone out and forget what Iām supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.