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Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
I think all priuses are gay transformers living here on earth
Is there another word for synonym?
The number one key to a successful marriage is alcoholism.
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
Well I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I`d say my people skills are improving.
I`d take a stupid dog over a stupid person any day.
That horrible moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you’re watching…
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life.... Based on the math, I should have died in 1732.
Listen lady, if you stopped screaming maybe you would enjoy holding hands with me.
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.
I like to listen to mexican radio but I dont know what they are singing or saying so I just pretend they are singing about how awesome I am.