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If I like you, I’ll let you hold the TV remote when we watch TV. If I love you, I won’t take the batteries out of it beforehand.
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you`re chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We`ll both regret it soon enough.
My Hamster passed today, he fell asleep at the wheel.
I just sprayed Citrus Fabreeze in my bathroom... Now it smells like Sh*trus
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it`s been since you`ve had a date?
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends
I should be asleep, but there are a lot of things I should be.
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
We`ll be friends `til we`re old and senile ... Then we`ll be new friends.
It`s the little things in life that count, like pills.