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I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
I`m surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn`t incorporated into more American Holidays.
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
I wish my GPA looked like the gas prices right now...
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick the block up and put it back in my toy chest..
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
When one door closes, another one opens.... That`s when you realize that you`ve bought a really bad second hand car.
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..
I`m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything... Far from it.