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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
I`m so hungry I could Instagram a horse.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
Today is Friday the 13th. Try not to be a teenage girl in her underwear at night at a deserted summer camp today.
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie