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I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update bar as the search bar on my browser.
"Hey! Aren`t you that guy from the village people?" - Me, to every cop who pulls me over
My last relationship was a lot like The Notebook. It felt like it lasted forever and we both wanted to die towards the end.
If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?……………………. (you smart people grinned didn’t you.)
Helpful Tip: When your wife ask whats on TV, don`t say dust.
If my girl didn`t want me to wear her new Christmas thong, she shouldn`t have said she bought it "for me." Women are confusing.
1 in 3 Americans, weighs as much as the other 2.
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?
I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, I’m going to post a status update about it & then use their site as much as always.