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It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I`m like HOLY CRAP I`M OUTSIDE.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. LOL. But on the up side, it is fun!! ;)
Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
Ride me like you stole me.
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
You don`t have to dress like you`re a handbag, unless you are Lady Gaga.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
Darn right I’m good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the sh!t out of each other because it`s negative.
I’m positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.