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People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner are truly ninja`s.
Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
If you blow out the kid`s Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
The only time my wife will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
He is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
Are you guys sure common sense can`t be beaten into people ? Because I`d like to give it try!
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
Answering all questions with "but you ain`t got no legs Lieutenant Dan" stops people from asking you questions.
Being human is expensive and exhausting.