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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
I bought one of the "Books for Dummies" for 50% off, but I needed help to figure out what the price was.
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
It`s 2014 and somehow we still don`t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
You can never really say `what`s on your mind` when you have family members on your Facebook.
That Awkward Moment when you’re being sarcastic and someone believes you.
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.
What`s the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you`ve fooled me, what`s behind that blur? Is it a monkey? A pencil?
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.
Despite its name, Gatorade is pretty much fatal to alligators. I’m not allowed to volunteer at the zoo anymore.