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Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
"This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall." - Every 2 year old with a Popsicle.
Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
Girls don`t dress for boys, they dress for themselves... If girls dressed for boys, they`d just walk around naked all the time.
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.
Sorry I didn`t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
Nice tan, what`s your race? Carrot?
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.