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At hotels, you can either take a helicopter tour of the city or drink the bottle of water on the table. They cost the same.
when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
Do bees even have knees?
Have I posted my Alzheimers joke yet?
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
My sleep number is 100 proof.
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.
This salad tastes like Iād rather be fat.