Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of sh!t?"
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.