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i joined new gym yesterday. i did 3 sets of selfies on each machine
Remember the days when water was free and you had to pay for porn?
I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
Yeah he`s still bugging me...he thinks Harass is two words.
Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.
If anybody tells you you’re putting too much Parmesan on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don’t need that negativity in your life.
My New Year`s Resolution is to stop making late decisions.
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.
Word for today: Dipshidiot
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34D.
Just another day of not being rich and famous.
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!