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I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything?
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
If I had a dollar for everytime I was distracted, look squirrel!
Dear middle finger, Thank you for sticking up for me.
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
HR and I apparently disagree on what "debriefed" means.
It`s so awkward when you get texted to come over and you have to pretend like you weren`t already inside their house.
I`ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper
I just read that ciggarettes cause rectal cancer, I should me fine, I was going to put them in my mouth anyway..
I hear they designed the newest iPhone to fit perfectly in your hand, right where your money used to be.