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Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
I will pay good money to anyone who can take me from work, make it look like an abduction and tuck me back into bed.
Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can post that"
You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy