Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Got my friend a Starbucks gift card. 2 weeks later I get a call. They said hey Dean, u put any money on this Starbucks gift card. I said no it´s a gift card. That´s the beauty of it u can put as much money on it as u want.
I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
What do you call a dog with no hind legs? Dragon Balls.
If my sarcasm confuses you it`s because you`re stupid.
My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
Life`s tough. It`s tougher if you`re stupid...
It`s not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
I dunno who decided on the spelling of bologna, but it`s obvious he had no idea how letters work.
I try not to brag but I`m really quite good at Yoga. I`m not flexible or anything but I am a master of that "Empty Your Mind" part
Do you smoke? Smokers: "Yes." Non-Smokers: "Never have, never will." Stoners: "Smoke what?"
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.