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I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I`ve taken today`s gummy vitamins.
With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
Homeless people should make more creative signs like "I bet you can`t hit me with a quarter...b!tch!"
I just became a professional Counterfeiter, I even have the certificates to prove it.
I like to test the waters by pushing people in.
I think, therefore i`m single.
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
Why don`t the post office get the Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people.
It would be funny if the husband is actually sleeping with the Jake from state Farm.
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.
Only 3 more days until millions of people join the gym for a week.