Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
Who let the owls out?? Don`t sing the chorus you`ll make it worse.
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they’re going to put you in one.
People are making Rapture jokes like there`s no tomorrow.....
My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that`s okay with you guys?
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
If each day is a gift, I wonder where I can return monday.
my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".
My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.
No really I`m fine, I have drugs and alcohol to block out reality, but thanks anyway...