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what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
Accidentally bought a bag of raw almonds. Turns out I don`t like almonds, I like salt.
I have a life, I have the best life in the world. Oh wait sitting around watching Netflix and eating pizza rolls isn`t a life. I guess i was wrong then. :( bummer
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a regular pigeon.
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse is pretending I’m not excited.
Sometimes I add things to my to-do list that I’ve already done just so I can immediately cross them off.
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.
If you`re sad/single/both on valentines day just remember you can buy 40 chicken nuggets at McDonald`s for $8.99
Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know
You know a woman really loves you when she vandalizes your car after an argument.