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I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
Don`t half a$$ anything. F*ck it up all the way.
I am sorry I had feelings. I`ll replace them with jokes right away.
Logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
I went for a 6 mile run tonight. The police are getting in much better shape these days.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can`t afford 3) Periods 4) Men
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it`s only Tuesday
You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?
Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.