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If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
If I ignored you any harder, we`d be married.
Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found.
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
I like people... From a distance.
I would run a marathon. If the only 2 bars were 26.2 miles apart and the first one was closed.
The longest yard for me is that space between me and the nacho dip
I don’t understand shark movies I mean just get out of the water.
After a night of heavy drinkin’ there’s one thing I can’t stand… and that’s up.
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
Black Friday at my house consist of pants 100% off
You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D