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I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
Nuclear physicists can be lots of fun. They`re often referred to as the half life of any party.
Christmas is all about getting your entire dysfunctional family under one roof, hoping the cops don`t get called and nobody gets arrested.
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
Things that make women emotional- 1) sad movies 2) love stories 3) anything 4) everything
She said she was stripping to feed her kids but then got pissed when I started throwing canned goods at her
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
We are living in a generation where Vampires are sparkly,Werevolves are gay and Witches wear leather pants.
It must be exhausting being offended by everything.
My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can`t stuff your face when you`re sleeping.