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It took dozens and dozens of flushes and a plunger, but my guinea pig`s funeral is finally over.
Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
Rapper; "I`m killing them snitches, smacking then bitches, smokin blunts and f*ckin hoes!" *wins award* Rapper: "I just wanna thank god.."
I`m a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I`m your man.
If heat makes things expand, then I don`t have a weight problem ... I am just Hot!
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.