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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can...
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
I`ll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way.
People who actually rate porn videos are the unsung heroes of our generation.
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
People who go rock climbing: you know you don`t have to, right
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
I’m totally fine with favoritism as long as I’m the favorite.
I know you’re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?