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I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
Walked into the kitchen for orange juice; walk out with sandwich, crackers, chocolate milk, and the TV remote I lost 30 minutes ago
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
I dated this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone. Then I realized he was just putting me on hold.
If i had a dollar for everytime i was thinking about you, i would start thinking about you.
I`m super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I`m also wearing a cape.
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.