Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
From this point on, all postings of pictures of waffles will be considered a personal invitation.
Sorry, kids. It appears ninjas ate all of our Halloween candy.
Remember the good old days when making the “duck face” involved 2 Pringles?
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
Who`s this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
75% of my current net worth is in gift cards.
I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you
What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
I`d take Cap`n Crunch more seriously if his eyebrows weren`t on his hat.
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
You actually are not the stupidest person on the planet. But if he were to die...