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Kiss me I`m Irish, put a little tongue in it, I`m French too
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
This idiot from Apple reckons that the "Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
I`m an accident looking for a place to happen!
My neighbors wifi isn`t working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
We must STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under!
Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
I`ve been married twice. The next wife I have will be someone else`s and she can just go home when she`s mad at me.
One way to find out if you`re old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you`re young, if they panic, you`re old.
I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I`ll be when I wake up tomorrow.
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
I pulled my wife`s panties to the side.......then put the rest of her socks in the drawer.